Now that sex is easier to get, love is harder to find

....and dating in Berlin is no exception

Berlin, you sexy beast. A city overflowing with hot, young, beautiful people. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Well, there's nothing wrong with it as such but it can be very difficult to not get caught up in the endless cycle of dating and fucking around. Berlin is like a sweet shop for hungry singles.

So much choice

I mean, why settle when it's so easy to not commit? If you're lonely or horny, you're just a swipe away from finding The One for Tonight. But with this oversaturation of talent comes the issue of the paradox of choice, which has caused the development of a disposable dating culture. And after spending enough time here, experiencing the same ol' shite time and time again, it can start to break your spirit. Especially when you know you are a decent person, who's just looking for a decent partner.

I moved to Berlin in 2015, and after seven amazing years in this city, it has come to the point where I am exhausted from looking for a healthy and stable relationship. I have gone on countless dates since moving here, but I am yet to find a man who doesn't have commitment issues, who isn't a serial cheater, who isn't dishonest, or who doesn't like shagging a different woman every week.

Of course, I have turned men down as well, it's not that the choice has always been taken away from me. Being single has been my choice (most of the time). Finding someone to be in a relationship with isn't that difficult, but finding a healthy relationship with someone who meets what I consider to be basic standards, is the issue. This city is inundated with emotionally stunted men, and quite frankly I value myself enough to not put up with that shite, so I'm happy to be single.

I had a situationship end recently because the guy suddenly decided that the third month of exclusively dating was the appropriate amount of time to come clean and tell me he doesn't actually do relationships. He avoided the conversation until this point because it was too uncomfortable to talk about it. So he did the common method of distancing himself until I called him out on it. Yet during our time together, he had told his family about me, suggested going on foreign holidays together, and a lot of other things that made me feel secure in thinking that this could end up being an official relationship. But no, I was once again a victim of a love-bomber.

I hate to generalize, but speaking from experience, it seems that most men have a hard time being honest about want they are looking for. Giving us the boyfriend experience seems to be enough for them, and once things start getting too serious, they're out the door and onto the next short-term situationship.

My longest relationship here was nine months with a guy I met shortly after moving here, but he was far from a Knight in shining armor. Quite the opposite in fact; he was emotionally abusive, and a serial cheater. The relationship was nothing short of tumultuous. My self-esteem got dragged backward through a thorny bush, as I found myself trapped in a very toxic relationship. That was essentially my introduction to dating in this city, so I am far happier being single than being stuck in an unhealthy relationship. But luckily with time and experience, I started learning from my mistakes, recognizing toxic traits, and started to make better choices with the more practice I was getting. But even with all my knowledge and experience, I can't seem to find an honest, decent man.

So I have published my black book on men which is currently available on Amazon. I have essentially written it to help others, so you don't make the same mistakes I did. Filled with funny dating stories, as well as a few serious ones, the book can be seen almost as a guide to dating. From recognizing toxic traits, handling rejection, and talking about self-esteem, to sex and self-confidence, my hope is to guide you through this hell hole of dating in a culture where we have all become disposable to each other.

Lulu x

Buy the book